Archive | September, 2012

Under the rain

6 Sep

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Life isn’t like in those dramas we see. It isn’t a Korean drama where one drops the umbrella and runs into the arms of the person you love. It’s in a drama because it’s meant to be dramatic and fictional. The only similarity I have with a Korean drama is the fact that you’re Korean.

 

In reality, it’s not a cheesy romantic moment. When you see your ex, who you probably have feelings for, under the rain, you wouldn’t run to him. In fact, none of you would make the first move. Your eyes would meet but one would turn away while one would keep looking. Then when you’re at home and remember how your eyes met, how shocked you both are, you would think of the things you could have said, what could you have done and so many more.

 

I saw you. Under the pouring rain, I walked passed by you and to our own surprise, we saw each other. It’s been more than 6 months since we last saw each other. You permed your hair like those ahjummas while I had a haircut. Your English got better while my lips got redder. I stood, looking at both sides of the roads, but in reality, I was stealing glances at you. I stayed a few more seconds in hope you would call for my name if ever you still perhaps feel it. But alas, you didn’t. I crossed the road and as I looked back, you were still looking. I took a few more steps and looked at you again. You were still looking. As I was certain that you couldn’t see me anymore, I closed my eyes. I sighed. There was no pain, but there were regrets. 

 

I kept thinking what if I looked a little longer? What if I smiled? What if I greeted? What if I pretended you never hurt me? What if I pretended you never cheated on me? 

 

It’s never easy to forgive someone who did something like he is. I’ll just think that we could just never be. Presently, we’re in the Philippines. But he’s for Korea as I’m for Canada. Even if there was a part of me that wishes he was back, when I see him, I just couldn’t. I don’t think I can. As the memories of those sweet times we’ve spent comes in, just the thought that he cheated on me scares me.

 

I don’t know why I still look at your profile. I was shocked to see what was on it.  

 

It just passed me by… I couldn’t do anything for it.

So now It’s already over.

 

It was dated the same rainy Wednesday we stumbled upon each other. Fate probably wants us to realize something that I’m not sure. His feelings are probably regret while I’m still confused. I was the one who he left to slip away after I promised that I could never hurt him. He keep saying he keeps get hurt and I promise him that I can never do that. I didn’t, but he did.

 

I don’t know what he really feels. I just wish I was the girl he regretted to leave. I was the girl who promised to wait for him and who still hoped for him to come back even after the pain. I foolishly waited and hoped. But nothing happened. 

 

Maybe he has regrets, but I will never know if he also checks my profile like I do to him. I don’t know if he also think of me the way I think of him. I would always wonder if your plans of studying university here will still push through. Mostly, I am curious as to what you feel about me. There are many thoughts running through my head, wondering and thinking, but I will never know.

 

We don’t know if we’ll ever see each other again. For now, I shall wash my memories like the rain. It will drop and just flow to go somewhere else. Maybe it will dry, make small puddles or fall into the sewer.

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