Archive | November, 2012

The last time I almost do

25 Nov

It feels like of a Korean drama once again.

I began only wanting to see him, my new crush, whose name we shall call James. James is also Korean and had been my on-and-off crush for the past few months. I see him often now and I don’t know if it’s to his own accord that he comes about 15-20 minutes after I come to the gym by himself. Maybe it’s just coincidence. I think it’s better to think that way to lessen expectations… lessen the pain and hurt that may possibly come.

Everything was going smoothly and fine for me. Even if he called me big the other day and laughed when the dumbbell accidentally fell to my right foot because his beautiful smile makes it up for it. Having small conversations was enough for me. I could live with my one-sided infatuation for him.

I was waiting for him to finish so I could walk home with him in case. But what happened was something I didn’t expect.

My ex, whom we shall call Kyle, was there. I felt so lost and my emotions were suddenly messed up. I don’t know what to feel seeing him after months… After the break up… After that incident. He still looks good, making me remember why I fell for him. But I also remember why we never lasted.

The feeling was awkward when Kyle and James talked. The past and the future should never meet at the present. We didn’t look at each other’s eyes. He probably doesn’t care about me anymore. I think it’s better if we forget everything and ignore each other’s existence.

That in my dreams you’re touching my face
And asking me if I want to try again with you
And I almost do

Sometimes, I feel that Taylor Swift’s the only person who could understand me. I hate myself for being torn of feeling of wanting to say something to him and forgetting him because of how and why he broke my heart. The latter part won.

In the end, I left James, who still wasn’t done, and passed by Kyle, not even sparing me a glance. It was then that I think that he’s probably moved on. I knew that I should do it too. His heart towards another girl while my heart is towards James.

I don’t know how the Christmas party will happen though. James is going. I’m going and I’ve been told Kyle’s coming too. My love life’s so messed up. I just wanted to make a small and simple conversation with James, but God gave me more. I know He has plans for me and things happen for a reason. But He probably also knows how slow I can be, therefore I can’t understand what he wants for things to happen in my life.

I don’t know how the next episode will be and how things will continue. All I know is, I just want to be with James.

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It’s different this time

16 Nov

It’s different how I feel for this guy. Though it’s not new that he’s Korean, just like my ex, just like the guys I liked and dated, it’s how I feel when I see him is different. Unlike before that I want to be fast and immediate and lose that person fast, this time is different. I don’t want to lose him. I know we aren’t friends, just acquaintances. But I don’t want to part away from him.

When I see him, my heart doesn’t beat that fast like before. It makes me feel different, but not like before. It’s like, a calming way of beating my heart, but loud. I know it reacts when I see him, but it feels good. I think that I can wait for him to whatever we are destined to be. I’m just fine from watching from afar and the small movements. I still like how I would steal glances at him, but the difference from earlier is how I sometimes see him looks towards my way. Maybe he’s looking somewhere else, but I hope he’s looking at me, even just once, I was right. For the first time, I see someone who I would prefer to have a friend first before being more than friends. I can picture him with another having a girlfriend that isn’t me. It hurts, but for some reason, I’m ready for it. I am prepared at the painful truth. I just know he isn’t going to like me the way I want him to. He’s probably more focused in his studies and modeling.

It’s different this time. Rather than thinking of the good things and possibility of dating the guy, I think of the negative things. I think that he really has no interest in me. I think that he has a girlfriend. I think that we’ll never be more than friends and many more. I don’t know why I’m like this, but I like him. What do you call the line between like and love? I think that’s how I feel for him. I like him for a long time already, but not confident to be called love. I can accept whoever he is and I can wait for him.

It sucks that I’m like this over him, over a guy who I think will never see me as how I want him to see me as. It’s all different this time. This guy, made me feel different and made me think differently than before. I don’t know why.

I treasure every small moments, like how you finally greeted me with your cute ‘Hallo!’ or the way you count numbers in our own language instead of English or the way you laugh. I treasure all the small details, like I love your quite curly hair than your straight hair, the way you would help your friends and teach them what to do, the way you would look at my direction while I’m left wondering where you’re looking at and the way you would write your name after or before mine then I’d be staring at it for a few seconds, gazing at our names next to each other’s.

I don’t know what our future could be. In a few months, I could still like you and you’ll still be single or have someone already. I might be destined to like you, but that’s all it is. Maybe it’s better that way, but we never know unless we try… or at least until I try.

As Katy Perry’s song goes, “In another life, I would be your girl.”

At least in my dreams, you’re mine and I’m yours.

IU and Super Junior’s Eunhyuk Scandal

10 Nov

The Deal:

Dating in Korean entertainment is something big and can be scandalous at times, especially if you’re one of the most popular ones. Dating scandals can occur if fans spotted two people with just them in restaurants or even just walking together. This scandal, however, exploded because of an “accidental” tweet done by the nation’s little sister. IU had
“unintentionally” uploaded a picture with Super Junior’s Eunhyuk in a scandalous angle.

 

 

 

What makes the picture intriguing is 1.) their position, and 2.) Eunhyuk is assumed to be shirtless, which makes you question as to why is he shirtless. It’s a big scandal for both parties. IU, with having the title of ‘Nation’s Little Sister’, and Eunhyuk, being the main dancer of Super Junior, one of the most famous boy groups of Korea. Loen Entertainment, IU’s company, stated that it was a picture taken last summer where IU even burned a part of her top while cooking ramen. She was sick at that time and Eunhyuk, being the good sunbae that he is, visited. The relationship between the two is merely a “sunbae-hoobae”, as what LOEN Entertainment claims.

 

Personal Opinion:

What irks me is that LOEN Entertainment claims that IU “accidentally” tweeted the picture instead of mentioning someone else. It makes me laugh. Who is going to believe that? First, they state that the picture is taken during summer, meaning, there are more recent pictures since it’s almost winter season in Korea, which makes it impossible for it to be “accidental”. Second, if they say this was when IU burned a part of her dress, why would they need to take a selca for? I understand if they took it because I believe Eunhyuk is a good person and loves to take selcas too.  But since the angle where it came from, it adds to the suspicion that they aren’t in just some hoobae-sunbae relationship. Third, related to the first point, how could you mistake putting a picture than mentioning then is able to choose an old picture? Lastly, the fact that the issue is also being discussed heavily, it makes me think that there probably maybe something between them.

 

I’m not mad at both parties, to be honest. It is no secret that I am a fan of Super Junior and IU is one of my favorite solo singers. It’s quite of disappointing. I’m more disappointed towards IU to be honest. Even if this was “unintentional” as it is claimed, I find it irresponsible of her to tweet for it. I would understand if you’re new to twitter, you can get mistakes, but the mistake of tweeting an old picture instead of mentioning… Isn’t that fishy? In my point of view, the one to blame here is IU, not Eunhyuk. The guy may or may not know about the issue, but he isn’t the one who tweeted it anyway.

 

Aftermath:

It’s sad how fans have become berserk. Rumors of IU’s fans ripping her albums and Eunhyuk’s twitter followers drop after this. Fans of IU became antis of Eunhyuk and vice versa.  IU continues her activities while rumors say that Eunhyuk’s activities will be halted. Their reputations have been tainted. IU’s ‘Nation’s Little Sister’ title may not last for long after this. Eunhyuk is the so-called temporary leader since Leeteuk have left, but it’s just been days and this happens. Rumors say that IU’s rumored ‘ex-boyfriend’ is him and that this is revenge. One of the worst that I’ve heard is that Eunhyuk may go into the military. If that happens, then the case must be that serious and troublesome to both parties.

 

The society is double standard. I’m guessing in cases like this, it will always seem like the girl is in the innocent side and the guy may even be called a pervert. It’s whether you believe that one is at fault, both are at fault, or ignore the whole issue. Most of us will say that “We’ll just forget about this and continue supporting them”, but is that really the case? Maybe you can say that, but that’s not what your heart is saying. I’m a fan of IU, but her actions disappointed me.

 

No one knows what will be the other effects of this, but we’ll just have to find out after a few days.

Song Recommendation

7 Nov

Boa is one of the ‘Queens’ in Kpop (at least for me). Her hit singles are usually dance songs. My favorite from her is a ballad from her Hurricane Venus album. The song is entitled ‘Implode’.

It talks about the feelings of breaking up. It’s better to listen to it and read the English subs. It will probably make you cry and touch your heart, because that was the effect to me.

It also has Jongwan of Nell and you can hear his voice towards the end of the song, where he and Boa alternately or sing in sync.

It’s a sad love story

7 Nov

a/n: Thinking of submitting it as an entry for our college’s newsletter.

We were born in different times and different places. It’s as if fate was meant for me to meet you. We grew up and I had learned to develop feelings. You have a heart of gold and a smile that can make me forget the rest of the world. I send you messages, have you seen? I’ve sent you food. I hope you can take of yourself when I’m not around. I wanted to hug you, but you’re always busy. You seem so close to me and yet, so far. I’ve told you a thousand times how much I love you, but all you’ve ever returned to me is a smile. A smile that means you accepted it, but you can’t return it.

Then I’ve been given to see you once again. I spent a great amount of cash so I could go to our meeting place.  When you stepped out, I called for your name a thousand times, even screaming for your name, telling you how much I love you. And it hurts, knowing that you’ll never reciprocate my love for you.

Under the strobe lights, along with the thousands of others screaming your name and proclaiming their love for you too, I cry on the inside. I’ve loved you for a long time, but you don’t know me. I call you by your name… and you call me… ‘your fan’.