Archive | December, 2012

Welcoming another new year

31 Dec

First of all, happy new year, everyone! ^^ My first post for 2013! 😀 Hooray!

 

New year is always a festive celebration (at least where I came from). The bright and colorful fireworks fills the night air and it’s all beautiful to watch. The feast for that night that makes us full. The jumps we do because we believe it will make us tall and the loud noises we do because it drives away evil spirit.

 

To be honest, our new year becomes less interesting each year, with family members decreasing. First was when my mom had to go abroad then my tita (aunt) getting married. In just a matter of years, I’ll be leaving home and flying off to another country to work because that’s how my family wants it to be. I tried to make things good for me. After many years, I had went up to our rooftop to watch fireworks. I have fear of heights, which is why I rarely go there. The sight blew me away as fireworks kept showing in the air. The beautiful sparkling colors almost blinded me. It was just everywhere. The rooftop gave me a full view of the fireworks around. It truly was a beautiful sight.

 

New year also always mean resolutions to a lot of people. I stopped having resolutions about two-three years ago, when I realized that I don’t always have to wait for the end of the year to change myself. I told myself that if I want something to achieve, it is to my own will.

 

For 2013, I have different wants and hopes compared to last year. Last year, I prayed so hard to have a boyfriend. God made me experience a lot of things I learned about love and getting into relationships, like do not rush into love and make sure that the guy you date is really single. I realized that love will come at the right time. Some people will come in your life to teach you a lesson. Some people are either meant to walk away or stay by your side. A lot of people come and go. By the end of 2012, I still wished for that same guy I like for half a year already, but if things don’t go well between us, I’m not surprised. It may hurt, but I was ready for the hurt. To simply say it, I didn’t expect. It’s a lot easier to not expect anything to avoid hurt. 

 

Now that 2013 began, if asked if I want a boyfriend, maybe. My feelings had been loyal to this guy who probably doesn’t even think about me the way I think about him. But I’m not really sure if I really want to be in a relationship as of the moment. It’s all hazy and unclear. I’m also afraid, probably due to my experience of being involved or liking guys who has a girlfriend or in my ex’s case, cheated on me. I have developed a fear that guys aren’t easily contented with only one girl and chooses to still flirt with other girls. Although I know there are still decent guys, it’s hard to find. Anyway, if someone will really come, I don’t care about nationality anymore. Maybe looks, yes. But there’s more to love and being in a relationship than someone who fits your ideal type. The guy closest to my ideal type is Bang Yongguk and for sure, no one can be like him than he himself. I want a guy who can accept me wholly. I’m a girl who’s confident, quirky, witty, loud and loves everything Korean. I want someone who can make me love him more than I love Kim Heechul, Wu Yifan, Zhang Yixing, Huang Zitao, Bang Yongguk, Im Hyunsik, Yook Sungjae, Lee Kiseop and Kim Hyunjoong combined. I know love would come unexpectedly to me anyway. I got to keep my eyes open, but I still have to have hopes in case there is hope with him.

 

If asked what I want for 2013, I wish that money would flow good for me. I’ve always had problems with money because I spend a lot of it on either Etude House make up, Kpop albums and food. Food is exceptional though. But I’m the type that saves a lot and when I splurge, I really do. Big time. My friends are even shocked to see the things I buy and would bulge their eyes out at the prices of my make up and Korean items. I just wish I could control my spending habits though.

 

To end this, I wish everyone the best for 2013. There will always be ups and downs, failures and successes, happiness and sadness. It’s just up to us how we will deal with it. Another year will always give us hope. But it’s doesn’t always just have to be every new year or at the beginning do we always hope and do something. It’s better to always have that will to achieve your goals.

 

Once again, happy new year, everyone! ^^ 

I don’t know what to do

30 Dec

It’s not easy. It’s all complicated. It’s hard how you just wanted to be with one person who you think probably doesn’t feel the same way about you. I want to ask the Lord why is this happening to me. I asked for a simple thing. I only asked to be with one person, even if I’ll just be his friend. It may be too much, but I’ve waited for more than half a year just to be able to finally go on a date with him, which will be on the first week of January.

The problem lies when I met another guy, also Korean but older than the apple of my eye. At first, I met him as my ex’s friend. But it’s not a problem because I met the guy many many months after the break up. Apparently, the guy shows his interest in me. Being the friendly person I am, I gave my number and we exchanged messages. Unintentionally and subtly, I agreed on a date. When he asked me if I have a boyfriend, I told him that I don’t. He didn’t believe me (just like everyone when they meet me at the first time). I explained to him why I don’t have one yet and he said he could be that guy.

It just couldn’t be. My heart is towards someone that isn’t him. I feel sorry for him that he has to like someone like me, who is also just looking from afar at another guy who is of his same nationality and younger. I don’t know how to handle things where I make him feel that I just see him as a friend.

Growing up and still in an all girls school plus the fact that I have two sisters made me realize how I lack experiences in interacting with the opposite sex. Most of the guys I interact with are if not my relatives, guys who I’m interested in. This is the first time a guy is interested in me and I only see him as a friend. I don’t know how to handle situations like this.

My trainer even joked that that guy and his friends stalk me the way I stalk my star. It’s  a cycle. The stalker has stalkers.

All I know is that I miss the guy I like. I haven’t seen him for two weeks. Oh well. If I have survived not seeing him for three to four months, I could survive for a few weeks.

Oh, did I mention that the guy interested in me is the friend of my ex? Yeah. Just awkward to the highest level.