I don’t know what to do

30 Dec

It’s not easy. It’s all complicated. It’s hard how you just wanted to be with one person who you think probably doesn’t feel the same way about you. I want to ask the Lord why is this happening to me. I asked for a simple thing. I only asked to be with one person, even if I’ll just be his friend. It may be too much, but I’ve waited for more than half a year just to be able to finally go on a date with him, which will be on the first week of January.

The problem lies when I met another guy, also Korean but older than the apple of my eye. At first, I met him as my ex’s friend. But it’s not a problem because I met the guy many many months after the break up. Apparently, the guy shows his interest in me. Being the friendly person I am, I gave my number and we exchanged messages. Unintentionally and subtly, I agreed on a date. When he asked me if I have a boyfriend, I told him that I don’t. He didn’t believe me (just like everyone when they meet me at the first time). I explained to him why I don’t have one yet and he said he could be that guy.

It just couldn’t be. My heart is towards someone that isn’t him. I feel sorry for him that he has to like someone like me, who is also just looking from afar at another guy who is of his same nationality and younger. I don’t know how to handle things where I make him feel that I just see him as a friend.

Growing up and still in an all girls school plus the fact that I have two sisters made me realize how I lack experiences in interacting with the opposite sex. Most of the guys I interact with are if not my relatives, guys who I’m interested in. This is the first time a guy is interested in me and I only see him as a friend. I don’t know how to handle situations like this.

My trainer even joked that that guy and his friends stalk me the way I stalk my star. It’s  a cycle. The stalker has stalkers.

All I know is that I miss the guy I like. I haven’t seen him for two weeks. Oh well. If I have survived not seeing him for three to four months, I could survive for a few weeks.

Oh, did I mention that the guy interested in me is the friend of my ex? Yeah. Just awkward to the highest level.


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