Archive | January, 2013
18 Jan
5 Jan
5 Jan

If he wants you back, will you accept him?

4 Jan

Late night conversations is where I feel the most honest. Disturbing me when I’m about to sleep at 12:45 in the morning, would honestly make me spill all my heart mixed with annoyance of course.

The conversation began with C, this guy who I pity for liking me, saying he wants to talk with me. I was expecting we would talk about his feelings but surprisingly, we ended up talking about his friend, who is my ex and the same guy I had talked about in here, here, here, here and here.

Earlier of yesterday, he and his friends were including, which including him. I asked C if my ex say something about me and he said nothing with a smiley face. He must be happy while I don’t know if I should be happy or not. Then he asked me…

“Are you still interested in him?”

I said no, especially after everything. He asked me my side of my heat, how sad I was. I just knew I had to tell him because the insides of me was screaming for me to say those to him. I told him how I felt, how distorted my life already was and had to drop the bomb that he just suddenly gave me the cold treatment without any reason. I told him how K leaving me was the biggest heartbreak in my life.

I chuckled to myself when he apologized in K’s behalf. I don’t think simple words can easily make me forget everything. I see he doesn’t even have the right to do so since he doesn’t know everything about Kyle.

He asked me if I saw K with the girl he replaced me with. Of course I did. He was probably surprised because he seemed mad at his reply. I told him that it wasn’t in my intention to look at it. I wanted to talk to K then but I ended up staring at my monitor screen for a while, trying not to cry as I forgot the things I wanted to say to him back then.

Maybe it wasn’t right when I asked him why K and the girl broke up. It wasn’t a good idea perhaps. He couldn’t say it and I understand why. Then he asked me the biggest question.

“If he… wants you back… will you accept him?”

To be honest, it took me a while to think of what to answer, even as a lie because I can’t think of it. I don’t know why up to this point, I still have a hard time answering it. Even when people ask me in person, I just laugh it off but I can’t ever give them a straight and proper answer.

I was honest when every time I see him, I am reminded of the feelings I had for him when I first saw him last year, but I get reminded of the pain he caused me too. When asked if there’s a possibility for us to get back together, I just said it depends. Maybe not so high. It’s not like he wants to fix things between us anyway. It’s probably better if things are just like this.