Archive | May, 2013

If I have gone missing, will you look for me?

27 May

I always ask myself if you’ll look for me if I ever gone missing. I ask myself how much you love me. You tell me but those are just words. One can fake it but I don’t. I don’t lie when I tell someone I love them, whether as a friend or more than that. But maybe you can.

I’m just pissed. I feel like my intensity of love for you isn’t as much as you love me. The times I think of you isn’t probably as much as you do. It’s hard when I feel like I love you more than you love me. I don’t feel it.  I’m at a point where I’m questioning myself whether giving you another chance is something I’m happy or not.

When we talk about serious topics, instead of reassuring me your love or say that you won’t leave me, you answer me with an okay. I don’t know what to do anymore. Yes, you told me you’ll be serious, but I don’t see it. You told me you’d try to make things work between us but I guess just like other people, just promises that are meant to be broken. I shouldn’t dream with you. I should dream with just myself. I’m still young and although I can already talk my near future with someone, I don’t think it’s you. I don’t want to talk future plans with someone anymore as it leads to disappointment, especially if in the future, we learn that it’s better if we part ways. Maybe I do regret somehow believing you and thinking it’s possible that in the future, we’d still be together.

I know you’ll never read this. But if you do, I know what your reaction will be. Either you say okay or nothing at all. You’re not the type to say things because that’s me. I don’t even ask much from you or expect from you. All I ever wanted from you was to be with you and feel the love you have for me… if you do love me.


Having a foreigner boyfriend

14 May

Filipinas, sadly, are stereotyped that when they have a foreigner boyfriend/husband, they are with them for the money. In a time of today, yes, I can agree, with shame, that those, especially in old age, have this kind of motive, that if they marry a foreigner, their lives will be alleviated from poverty.


But I bound to debunked that stereotype.


I still believe in love in relationships. That is why my boyfriend and I are together in the first place. We plant trust as one of the foundations of our relationship too. Yes, being a Kpop fan took a big part on liking him. But hey, if I wasn’t a fan, we wouldn’t probably be together right now. I know he’s only average in terms of income and I am too. I don’t like it when he spends a lot on me during dates because I feel indebted. I can pay for it instead but he doesn’t let me. To be honest, I just want to spend some time with him. It doesn’t matter to me where we go. 


Even though we’ve only been together for a short while, we already talked about our future and marriage. For your information, I am a Canadian citizen and holds a Canadian passport, therefore, I can leave this forsaken country and go abroad. I almost became a dean’s lister last semester and I’ll try to make it into the list in the incoming school year. To say that I’m with him because of money is bullshit. 


Though some may think that way, I’ll ignore them. Jealous, bitch? I’m not surprised. In the world of today, it’s hard to find a loyal and good man. I’m just lucky to have met him. I look at Ms. Kring Elenzano, owner of and smile at how far she and her boyfriend had come. I hope my boyfriend and I be like that, no, not be famous, but be strong and happy despite everything. :>

How To Be A Writer

11 May

Thought Catalog

“First, try to be something, anything, else.” – Lorrie Moore, ‘How to Become a Writer’

A few months ago, The Guardian published some lists of fiction-writing advice from famous writers, or at least, from semi-famous writers. Some of the advice was solid, practical, and good. (Zadie Smith: “Work on a computer that is disconnected from the internet.”) And some of the advice was meaningless poetic bullshit. (Andrew Motion: “Think with your senses as well as your brain.”) …And some of the advice was just plain wrong. (Elmore Leonard. “Never use the [word] ‘suddenly.’”) Yeah, really? I can’t use the word “suddenly” anymore? Bullshit. I think I’m about to suddenly break this rule. Very suddenly.


ANY-way, all of this writing advice from famous novelists got me to thinking. And what I thought was: “Hey, I’m a writer.” And then I thought: “Do I actually have an article…

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