Archive | October, 2013

The Boyfriend Manifesto

16 Oct

angperegrino.com

I wrote this as a reminder, because I need reminding during the times I forget.

I wrote this as a personal challenge, because I aspire to be the best I can be in the relationship I’m in and having this guide is so much better than having none. Sometimes a map is needed so you don’t get lost too much (although in another context, getting lost is actually a good thing!).

I wrote this as a prayer, because we all hope that we can be better people. Because while we know how difficult a relationship can be, we also know that it is possible to be in healthy relationships that give us meaning, and make us better people.

In the end, my desire is that boyfriends (or husbands) read this, and learn; and that girlfriends (or wives) read this and realize that they should not to take crap from their…

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“The girl who can’t break up, the boy who can’t leave”

9 Oct

I opened facebook as usual, checking up posts by people that I sometimes don’t really even care. But I stumbled upon your post. YOUR post. It’s surprising because I know I don’t see your posts because you had your settings wherein I can’t see your posts. It made me confused as to why I can suddenly see it. Why did you let me see all your posts again? I don’t know and I will never get the answers anyway. I scrolled through your profile and saw your posts from the present back to the time we ended.

 

On the day we broke up, you posted a link on your profile. From the title itself, I already know that that post was meant for me, for us, “the girl who can’t break up, the boy who can’t leave.” I felt like crying but I told myself I won’t. As soon as I watched it with the English subtitles, I know that it’s somewhat our situation or what you partly want to tell me. I kept listening to the song over and over because it makes me cry. A lot of questions linger in my mind. I know I shouldn’t think of it. It had been more than a month since we ended. But still, it brought me back to a lot of questions.

 

 

The girl who can’t say good bye
The boy that can’t leave
The two of us are no longer in love
So no no no no no no (x2)

Anywhere together in a 3000 dollar used car
Without a care in the world
Linking arms, committing memories in a photo
Understanding each other in our sleepless nights
My dreams became your future
A pair of beautiful birds chasing each other
A love I could never get enough of
A person I want to meet when reborn
But in front of this thing called time
We can’t win against our greed
Sounds of your tears alone in the bathroom
The suspicious gazes focused on me
As the days go by I think of breaking up again

The sun is hot but your heart is frozen
Whose fault is this? But I love you baby
Everything else is the same but we changed
Whose fault is this? I still love you baby

The girl who can’t say good bye
The boy that can’t leave
The two of us are no longer in love
So no no no no no no (x2)

I’m so busy that I feel guilty
I fill my wallet with money and make some time
Even though I don’t express my love
When I have dinner and watch a movie with you
I hope you might feel better but
I continue to be in debt to my thoughts
As I walk and tease you
it’s all a played out game
Love is passing,
Love and heartbreak are one and the same
Hearbreak takes love and goes away.

The sun is hot but your heart is frozen
Whose fault is this? But I love you baby
Everything else is the same but we changed
Whose fault is this? I still love you baby

The girl who can’t say good bye
The boy that can’t leave
The two of us are no longer in love
So no no no no no no 

Love is passing,
Love and heartbreak are one and the same
Hearbreak takes love and goes away. 

How nice would it be if love
was something that could be earned?
(It’s all a dream, holding your hand)
How nice would it be
if love was something to get by wanting it?
(It’s all a dream but I can’t escape)

The girl who can’t say good bye
The boy that can’t leave
The two of us are no longer in love
So no no no no no no 

Are men caught in love done so because of weakness?
Are men starved of love not worthy of it?
Are men that keep secrets bad men?
Why is it that love changes?

 

When we ended, we didn’t simply ended. You just had messaged hours after our fight and agreeing that we should just have a cool off but decided to end things already. It didn’t end there. You said you still wanted for us to be friends. I was expecting you’d cut all communications with me, just like before, just like what you do when you end a relationship. But it was different. You didn’t delete me but you did set it up where I couldn’t see your posts. I couldn’t think of a proper explanation as to why you would to still be friends with me and why you would talk with me. You would always make me confuse.

 

I am reminded that a week before we broke up, I was chatting with my friend and told her how I wasn’t that happy with how our relationship was anymore. It had come to the realization that even if we were what we needed for each other, we really aren’t just what we both needed. I was listening to this song and I told her that we would probably end like this. Unexpectedly, the week after, did we had end. The whole song, just speaks a part of how I felt.

 

 

The real reason we broke up
I wonder if you know
Although right now,
You probably don’t care at all

The more I understood you, the farther away you got
You didn’t even get angry like before
The more we tried, the more boring you and I got

It was just the heart fluttering that I wanted
It was just the beginning that you looked at me
There is no real reason why we broke up
You just didn’t love me
There’s no other reason

Oh you just never loved me
Oh now everything is clear

The real reason I loved you
You probably don’t know
Yes, if you did know
You wouldn’t have left me so easily

You dreamed of a new love
I dreamed of an eternal love
The things we looked at were so different, you and I

Each of us wrote of a different love
Each of our ends remain in a different way
There’s no reason for me to forget you completely
If I’m to be left alone here anyway
I’ll stay a bit longer

I had a bad dream
That I fell for you, who came back to me once again
That I accepted you, who just came back however you wanted

 

I don’t know why you wanted me to stay and i somehow did stay. I realized how I was an exception to everything, how special I had seem to be in your life. I was the first Filipina girl you liked and dated. I was the first one you wanted to get back with. I was the one who didn’t cheat on you. Yet, it’s all unfair on my part. If you had known what it feels like to get cheated on, why did you have to do it to me? You know how I felt for you but instead of making me feel special, you had seek more somewhere else. Since you know this, it may be the reason why it’s so easy for you to come back to me… I just can’t simply say no to you and you just wanted the feeling of assurance that there will be someone for you to come back to.

 

But not anymore. I bound to myself that there won’t be a third time. I’m sick and tired that I’ll only be that kind of girl to you. I’m only here because you know you could just come back. But like I said, I feel like I’m an exception. Let me be the only or first girl who would say no or leave you not because I had found someone else, but because I know you already and I won’t let the same things happen again.