Archive | December, 2014

2014

31 Dec

I began 2014, I remember, being in love. I was with a guy who left for Australia. We tried to make our relationship work. We really did. It lasted for several weeks, before he decided that I was probably too much from him and just stopped calling. I was filled with love then, if you think of it. But I’m ending my 2014 with a PANG. It’s not a typo. A pang in the heart. I had thought that I would probably ending my year and beginning my new year with this guy I was dating. But it turned out that it was impossible. All I have now are memories and a foolish broken heart right now.

My year was a whirlwind, to say. Met a few guys, only to realize why it was impossible to be with them. Failed almost relationships, as I call it. I did meet a lot of people. I made friends from my on-the-job training and few more people at the gym. I talk to people I didn’t use to talk to before. They were people I value this year. I treasure them of course. Some people became my pillar when I didn’t have anyone.

I’m looking forward for 2015. It will be a grand year for me, I expect. I’ll finally be graduating from college and I’ll probably be flying to Canada in a few months after it. I don’t plan on love on 2015 too. After this last chaos in my heart, I prefer to keep low on love for fear of it may happen again. If it comes, I’ll probably have to be more cautious. It’s something that I think just comes along when you’re ready. It’s either going to make or break you.

I always have a positive outlook in life. No matter what happens, I tend to look at the good things and hope for the good things. 2014 is a memorable year. So will 2015, as a new journey begins for the new year.

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The Other Woman

30 Dec

“Why do guys cheat?”

I would ask this question to myself. I’m not generalizing all men but I wonder why do some make the choice of cheating. Is it something that boosts their ego? Is it something risky and filled with thrill that they enjoy? I do not understand. I will never understand why guys cheat.

Not all woman want to be in the position to be “the other woman”. There are those who choose to be but there are those who don’t. I fall on the latter part. Growing up, I hated those mistresses and whatever term used to call “the other woman”. But when I had fallen into that position unknowingly, it hurts to know that that was all I was to the guy. It didn’t happen once. It happened to me, thrice. Twice on the same guy and once at another guy.

I don’t understand why do guys take women for granted. It’s not like I seduced them to be with me. I am a sweet, innocent and kind girl, as they would say, when they first met me. It was them who approached me. Maybe because I was naive and innocent that I trust easily. I believed they only liked me. I believed there was only me. I was overwhelmed of course. I grew up in an all girls environment, thus, when a guy shows his interested, especially when I also like him, things speed up between us.

But I guess this was also the reason I was fooled easily. I was stupid. The first time I became the other woman, it felt like a big boulder was thrown upon me. I was warned he was a player. I didn’t believe. But he was. He was already with another woman. I still got back with him because I was so immensely infatuated by him. He was with a girl during that time. He flirted with me while still being with that girl. He left her to be with me. Few months later, I found out he cheated behind my back with that girl. How stupid could I be, I thought. To be cheated on by the same guy. It looked like I was always the other woman with him. No wonder he doesn’t want others to know about us that time. He said it was because he doesn’t others to think he was a playboy for having a new girlfriend then. Well, it isn’t obvious you’re one. Since then, I bound that I will never become “the other woman”. There is just no justification for a woman to be one.

I remember a story of BEG’s Narsha, how she had ended up being “the other woman” of her ex. She didn’t even know until she went to his house. I would recall this and I hate how guys would put women in the position of being stupid… just like me.

I trusted him too easily. He’s a good mix of Filipino and Greek genes, paired with smooth talking words, award-winning body physique and a kind-hearted facade. It was all going so smooth. We were just dating but I was serious. I had open my heart to him and he slowly did too. I thought we were going well. We went out for small dates and even called each other nicknames. We talked about going on more dates and going trips together. I thought he was serious.

But one day he just didn’t message me. I thought he was just in a hangover because of a party he went to the previous night. But he didn’t text me the whole day. Until it was two days already. It would be fine if he didn’t contact me. But we had a scheduled date. We were bound to go somewhere with my cousins. He was going to meet some of my relatives already. But he doesn’t answer my calls or reply. In desperation, I wondered if he had twitter. I searched and found his name. I saw his facebook too, something he had mentioned he didn’t have before. He told me to call him by his second name. I was so stupid not to find him on Facebook with his first name. When I did, what I saw, shocked me. He had a girlfriend.

I was shocked. I didn’t know what to do. The guy who I thought was worth to introduce to my friends and family, turned out to be just another jerk. I cried while on the phone with one of my best friends. He loathed him. She knew how happy I was with him, only to find out I was just his fling thing, something he had deny.

I am so afraid now. I hated this feeling more than ever. I pity his girlfriend though. He lied to me but he probably lied to his girlfriend more. My friend said that I should feel good because he could never have me. I just smiled.

I deleted his messages and his number from my phone. I know we’ll still see each other. But I’ll pretend I don’t know anything. I am a strong woman and I shall prove to him. I’ll make him drool and see what he missed and played with.

This kind-hearted and loyal girl doesn’t deserve this kind of shit.