The Scary Future

9 Jan

I’ve already hit year 20. It’s scary. As your age goes higher, the expectations on you gets bigger, the goals in life become larger and yet the time you have to accomplish things become shorter. There are a lot of things my friend and I had talked about regarding our near future. It’s scary. How in about 10 years, we want to get married, be in a respectable position at work, and have traveled a lot. It all seems scary how time flies so fast. One day I’ll just probably wake up and wonder how did time fly so fast.

I don’t even have a job yet. My friend and I had talked about work and jobs. She’s working in a multinational company while I’m about to graduate and juggling options. I’m still choosing between going back to the country where I was born, knowing I shall start on my own, or take the impending job position waiting for me at my dream company, without knowing if I would get the job I wanted. The common thing between the two is the suffering that awaits. I could take risks. I could pack my belongings and go to the other side of the world, where life is better. It excites me. But there’s this opportunity. Well, it’s still unsure if I could get in the department I wanted. In order to be happy for the job I wanted, I have to sacrifice money and health. Being and working in the creative field is really a hard path. My future excites me and at the same time, scares me. Most of my high school friends have set their goals here in the country. Most of my friends in college have set their goals to go abroad. I’ve already even welcomed them in my future apartment that I plan to reach in 4-5 years. It’s a matter of being ready. I don’t think I have the time to be indecisive. I have to make clear decisions and think straight.

I’m not committed, which can either be a good or a bad thing. My friend and I had talked about our future families. Currently, she’s the only one among our high school circle of friends that has a beau, who is like her boyfriend, but just waiting for the right time to say yes to him. Then there’s me with a guy in a complicated are-we-friends-because-we-flirt-to-each-other-a-lot status. I read somewhere that it would take at least 3-4 years to fully know someone in order to find out if you really want to marry that someone. She said she read that it was 7 years. I joked then that I have to at least have someone now because time is ticking. She’s lucky to have her guy. I’ve been with several guys already to even be scared to enter a new relationship. How do you even know if that person’s the one? Because I don’t know. I don’t understand how people “feel” or “know” that that person was the one. Were they psychics? Nope. I really don’t know.

I’m 20. I just turned 20 last October. I can even still remember how things were on my 16th birthday. 4 years have passed and sometimes it doesn’t sink in to me that in a while, I shall be working my ass off for the rest of my life. I’m scared. How do you know what you’re doing is right? Maybe we won’t. Maybe all that we know is that we do what makes us happy.


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