Archive | August, 2015

What I deserve

10 Aug

We didn’t begin with butterflies and captivating moments. We began with uncertainty, in plain and average greetings. There were no intense feelings in the beginning. In the first time of my life, I met someone who wanted to pursue me at the right time. I was neutral to him. I only saw him as an acquaintance at first. But sometimes, life gives us surprises. Life serves us desserts that we do not expect.

I remember when I first saw you, all I could think of was how cool your hair us. Rather than that, you stood out because you would have this loud trademark expression that everyone calls you now. I just ignore you and walk pass by you. I remember how a pair of girls were asking about you because they think you were cute. I looked at you and thought, “yeah. Maybe he does look cute. Too bad he’s a bit smaller than most guys.” I wasn’t curious like them. Then came that one Friday. I was debating whether to stay in the house or get out. The latter part won over me. That day, you were introduced to me. I was secretly teased that you had a crush on me. I didn’t mind it. I was the type not to think someone likes me until the person actually tells me. I was also told about your real age that you’ve kept hidden. I also didn’t believe it. I would believe things once the person actually tells me too. Then you asked me out to eat afterwards at a fast food joint. I didn’t think twice since I was quite hungry then and thought it was just a chance for us to be friends. Little did I know it was a beginning of something new.

We continued going out after we work out at the gym. I found myself always being with you, talking to you and looking for you. There was just that sense of comfort when I’m with you. You didn’t sweep me off my feet like the others did. You didn’t set me off like fireworks then leave as soon as if it died. You were a bit different. You slowly started from nowhere to become something in my life now. You make me feel special and a princess that I would often find myself thinking, “Wow. Is this how being treated nicely as a girl feels like?” I experienced a lot of being thrown at the side by my exes. But you don’t. You make me feel that I’m one, if not the most, important person in your life. You give me more than I could ask for. You give me more than I probably deserve. I often find myself wondering if the past broken relationships is just a way for me to learn before I’m able to find someone who makes me happy.

You became my pillar during the hardships I had endured when I first started working. You held me when I would cry about the lack of support from my family. You were there when I just want to be with you. I found myself just always wanting to be with you. I found myself always missing you. I found myself thinking of us in the future. We found ourselves being inseparable. We found ourselves being a package. We found ourselves planning our life together.

I met your family. You met my sisters and cousins. This is all new for me, to be part of my special someone’s family. Your mom kissed my cheek that caught me off guard. I don’t know to address your younger sister and her boyfriend that are older than me. Should I use honorifics that I don’t even use on you? I don’t want them to think negatively of us because of our age gap. It’s weird and awkward but I like it.

I can’t say it’s finally you because I don’t want to jinx it. All I know is that we’re both happy. We’re both stable and trying to make things work. There are many years ahead of us (especially me), but we know we’ll be able to accomplish the incoming years ahead of us together.


Growing Up

10 Aug

Beginning the second half of my year begins with my first job in life. In my previous post, I had been in a dilemma of choosing which path would I go. I chose the one that’s waiting for me, to go into big telecommunications company. So far, I have no regrets. It’s hard when we begin with the operations, the actual job, but with the good ambiance and nice co-workers, I feel at ease here. My schedule changes. I might go to work on weekends but I know for the standard 9 hours of work with the latest time out I have is at 10 pm. I still get my two days off, which becomes my weekend. Still better than working for no definite time of end and I have a sure pay.

Bills and supporting the house– I don’t have my own bills to pay but recently, my dad and I had the “what can you contribute to the house” talk. I have only been working for almost 2 months and my salary was delayed last cut-off plus my dad borrowed a big amount of money from me. I don’t really have much money yet. I do bring home food for my sisters now and treat them when they want (and if I can). Right now, the most I can give is to give money to buy food for the house. I can give so little though. I spend about 800-1300 pesos on myself (and food) in a week and other needs. I also told my sisters I’m going to give them money if they need but I haven’t given them anything yet since my money is small and haven’t been able to save a lot yet. I’m finally telling myself that I am growing up. I still don’t have my government ID’s too.

Then there’s this guy. Maybe I’ll just dedicate a separate post. A special guy has entered my life and so far I am happy with him. Being with him is just so overwhelming. There are things I just experienced with him and it’s nice. I could say he is part of this transition of my into the adult world.

At this point, I still don’t have a grasp of the world. I still feel small and lost at times. It makes me think, “Oh. adult life, wait. What.” It still confuses me. I still don’t know a lot of things. I wonder how the adults managed to pass this stage. I wonder what they did. I do need help though. A lot. I only have myself. When your father doesn’t support you in the things you do, you have no to turn to. Your mother is far and she isn’t there to tell you and remind you how amazing you are, it gets hard. No one believes in me more than her and it hurts when she’s far. But I guess this is part of it.

I need to stand up on my own starting now. I have to be stronger than before. I need to be braver than I was. I need to stop being a coward of things. I need to show the world that I can handle this and that I’ll get through this. Slowly, but surely.